Physical and sexual abuse are part of a larger system of abuse, which firmly establish a pattern of intimidation and control in a relationship. The following are all signs of abuse.

• Intimidation: Using looks, gestures, or actions to make you afraid. Smashing things. Abusing pets. Displaying weapons.

• Coercion and threats: Making or carrying out threats to do something to hurt you. Threatening to leave you, to commit suicide, to report you to authorities. Pressuring you to drop charges.

• Emotional abuse: Putting you down or making you feel worthless. Name-calling. Gaslighting—making you question your sanity. Playing mind games. Humiliating or guilt-tripping you.

  Isolation: Controlling what you do, who you see, where you go, and what you read. Cutting off outside support or activities. Using jealousy as justification.

• Minimizing, denying, blaming: Making light of the abuse and not taking your concerns about it seriously. Denying abusive behavior. Shifting blame onto you.

  Using children: Making you feel guilty about the children. Using the children to relay messages. Harassing you during visitation. Threatening to take the children away.

• Enforcing gender roles: Treating you like a servant. Making all major decisions. Defining men’s and women’s roles in rigid or stereotypical ways.*

• Economic abuse: Preventing you from getting or keeping a job. Making you ask for money. Giving you an allowance. Taking your money. Not letting you know about or have access to the bank account.

• Sexual abuse: Making you do sexual things against your will. Physically attacking the sexual parts of your body. Treating you like a sex object.

*YWCA provides services for male survivors. Men can experience both domestic violence and sexual assault.